thirty seven

I type this in the last few minutes of my 37th year.

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thirty seven

was a

fkn whirlwind.

I did so much, saw so much, loved so much, learned so much. My business reached heights that I couldn’t even dream up. I connected in deeper ways with new people, and with the same ppl i’ve been connected to.

I re-connected then disconnected once again to my very best friend in life. I cannot stand by and watch it happen, and I’m sorry, but I miss you and will love you always.

There was travel to my favorite places, and concerts and so many family dinners and trips to the river and days sitting on my couch laughing.

Shows, some of my very favorite events happened during 37, shows that will go down in San Anto herstory.
There were difficulties you wouldn’t believe if I told you. GIRRRL, shit went down that will one day go in a book, but for now all you get is a teaser…
my heart has broken twice over the same person, once when I was thirteen and then again in my 37th year. Each in very very different ways, but still a heartbreak nonetheless. One day I’ll tell you about it.
My sister and I learned, the hard way, just how much we mean to each other. I thank god for a stronger-than-ever bond with Oti.

And then there’s love… I found a love I have only ever written in my spell books. I found a love that seems to check off every single box, and then create even more that I didn’t know I deserved. A love that I guard so hard, bc its a forever thing. This year gave me the love of my life, who showed up in the most unexpected way and place, who fits in my heart so perfectly, who my family already adores, who has MET MY MAMA. Who has PLAYED LOTERIA WITH MY MAMA.
God, I thank you every single day for bringing me the peachiest peach of my dreams. I never thought it could be like this.

Tomorrow brings thirty eight in the weirdest way. I’ll still somehow be surrounded by love, but this time I’ll also be in charge of two of my babies. Rudy and Nana have been with full time for nearly two months now and whoa… this shit is bananas.

I can’t and won’t call myself a mother, that is not what I am to them, but right now I take that maternal and nurturer role and I am learning more and more about myself every day during this pandemic.
The señora in me is thriving as I tend to my casita, and tend to the babies, and develop new rhythms.

Every single year I take the time to write up a wish list and this year is no different, sometime between now and tomorrow I’ll have a long list of things I’d like to eventually cross off. I crossed off so many things in 37, things I thought impossible… for 38 I will start with the protection of my friends and family and then their friends and family. I’ll include the protection around some of my favorite places like La Botanica and Brick at Blue Star and also the small businesses that were such a huge part of my life.

I know we will come out of this, I pray that we are even better on the other side. I am working on it.

Ps: I miss the ocean.