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Palabras — personal

Five things.

1. Today has been VERY productive!  After a few weeks of being creatively stumped and unable to produce like I usually do, it feels like I finally broke through. It's been a frustrating little while, because although I know I have shows and I have to stay on my social media game (ew, did I just say that?), I've had a crazy ass block. Today was different! I've been working on and off on Mujeres Mercado, making tiles and other cositas for VeryThat, and getting some laundry and cleaning done in between. Yes, I spent the entire day at home; yes, that means I have been in my underwear getting these things done, and yes-- this is my job! 

2. I was thinking about where I was this time last year. Looking for shows to supplement my income, living mostly off my savings, and still unsure about what the future held. This is right around the time where things started coming together for me. For those like me, you know that this is when things get a little crazy- am I ready? I better be! I realize I can no longer remember off the top of my head what events I have coming up, the little teal calendar I carry around has become my lifeline and the next few months are already bananas. THIS MAKES ME HAPPY. 

3. On Tuesday (the 16th) some of us from Mujeres Mercado made our way to Pleasanton for a Diez y Seis event sponsored by their Hispanic Chamber of Commerce. There were 7 of us set up and although it wasn't as busy as some shows are, it was a really nice time to connect with each other. As artists, as locals-never-lived-anywhere-else's and as new-to-SAers. We all sat and had dinner together, learned things about each other than't don't really come up during busy shows. How do we find time to do this when we're not gigging? I would love to figure that out because that time spent together was something I didn't know I needed. 

4. Hitting "add friend" was nerve wrecking twice in the last month. I reconnected with two friends that once meant the world to me. I never thought I'd be the one to make the move, it never crossed my mind that we could one day be okay-- but there it was. Confirmation that things can be moved on from and forgiveness can be real. Maybe we'll never be as close as we were in that era, but knowing they're out there in this big and scary world without me knowing they're okay became too much. I am so grateful they each reached out and seemed genuinely happy to reconnect. 

5. So many things have happened in the last few months and I was reminded of a meeting I was so nervous for earlier this Summer. I remembered my mom's motivational text (verbatim cause she's cute like that), "Tu eres chingona y todo the va a salir como tu quieres te apoyo 100 por ciento i love you." 


I got my first smartphone something like 7 years ago, right around the time when I met my the second man I ever said 'I love you' to. There's something there that I haven't quite tapped into, but that's when I became dis/connected. Since then I haven't had more than half a day without my little friend constantly at my side- the first thing I check in the morning, the last thing I check at night.  <-- and to be real, throughout the night at times too.

I have booked it to Target with a quickness when my charge cord gives out (and they ALWAYS give out) with my phone is at a measly 3%. The moment when I'm back in my car, tearing through the package, and finally plugging in brings a relief I can't explain. 32gb is no longer enough for me.  It's my bank, my camera, my calendar, my address book, my notebook, my lifeline.
Yes--  I'm the girl that tunes into Apple Keynote live streams and then quickly checks when her upgrade is available. Now I use it for business too, updating my blogs and checking in on el feisbook and Instagram. The little magic #chingching that Etsy sends when I get an order still gives me the chills! What? My mom liked my pic?! #quecute

Quite shamefully, I am the friend that can't sit through dinner without checking in on my magic little partner every few minutes, often at the annoyance of whomever I'm with at the time. When I meet those like me, those that aren't offended at my texting mid conversation- I feel at home and am free to check my phone freely at the table, instead of trying to hide it on top of my lap or in my purse.

Since fully launching VeryThat & nurturing the baby that is Mujeres Mercado, this codependency has been taken to a whole new level. Emails and orders and Facebook Page notes flood my everyday and, honestly, sometimes it's all too much. I spent some needed time away from home a few times in the last couple months, and those stretches without service were a surprising gift. Yes, my ayPhone was still clutched in my hand or close by, but I enjoyed the music, the scenery, my company. Those emails and messages and notifications were forced to wait and inadvertently, I was forced to breathe.

Now, don't get me wrong. I will still be the girl that asks for your WIFI password, I'll still teach you to optimize that battery life, I will most definitely ask if I can plug my phone in at your house, and I will always want the latest and greatest iGadget. Slowly but surely, though, I'm getting to the point where I can maybe leave it in my purse while I hang out with my best friend or mom. I'll take those selfies and then put it in my purse for as long as I can (but never with the ringer off, don't be crazy). I'll be Apple #rideordie4ever, pero these days, with so much less time, I appreciate those snippets of time where it's just my thoughts and me, my homies and me, my mami and me.

365 Days ago

May 31st 2014 will mark my very own freedom anniversary. A year ago on this day I walked out of work for the very last time. I'd been with KCI for nearly 9 years when I made the decision to give self-employment a chance. 
I'd like to say I've never looked back. This would be the part of the movie where the newly independent and financially secure woman smiles to herself and basks in the light of her chic and airy living room with an oversized mug filled with tea. I'm here to say that it doesn't always work like that! I have looked back several times wondering if leaving the security of a 401k, full benefits, and a weekly paycheck was the dumbest thing I could have done!

The last year has been a struggle, lots of mistakes and lessons learned, lots of heartache and a few overdue bills. But here I am now. I have survived my first year and am so appreciative of both the highs and lows. 

Welcome to VeryThat, I hope you find things that make you reminisce, laugh, and maybe even bask in the sunlight while you smile to yourself.